Marriage is an exclusive club which leaves out other parties. When boundaries in marriage are created, they are done to provide a safe place for the couple. Though the society may regard it as an institution, not everyone does. This is because they believe that a home can never be successful without the interference of another individual.
The assumption in African society, that couples aren’t just married to themselves but also to their in-laws, further makes friends and family members feel that they always have a say when issues come up.
For most couples (if not all), marriage is a bumpy ride with a lot of hurdles. But interestingly, there is also at least as much calms after the storm, or before another one, depends how you see it.
Should Couples Allow Third Parties In Their Affairs?
What makes the difference between marriages that succeed and those that fail is that the prior understand that a crisis is only a temporary phase, if not let to run wild. So, keep reading to find out what you need to understand about marriage crisis and how to resolve them.
Let’s face it – every couple hits a crisis at least once over the course of their marriage.
For most (if not all), marriage is a bumpy ride with a lot of hurdles.
But interestingly, there is also at least as much calms after the storm, or before another one, depends how you see it.
According to experts, a third party is a person or group besides the couple, involved in a situation, especially.
According to experts, a third party is a person or group besides the couple, involved in a situation, especially a dispute. He or she can be either of the couples’ family members, friends, co-workers or neighbours.
The issue of whether couples should allow third parties to mediate in their marital problems or not has been a debate in social discourse.
The majority of couples, who shared their experiences, believed that allowing third parties in marriages portended a great harm. Their conclusion that a third party is unnecessary is based on their experiences having relied on third parties to settle their marital issues.
Sharing her story with our correspondent, a marriage counsillor, Rev (Mrs) Rejoice Kelechi Ogbonnaya Augustin, said when couples involve third parties in their marital issues, they risked being given wrong advice which could end their marriage.
She said many women enjoy discussing the disagreements they had with their husbands with third parties without knowing that such third parties even have a more difficult problem they are encountering in their homes.
Mrs. Kelechi said, “When a woman discusses her issues with a third party, such as a friend or co-worker, you will hear words like, ‘Chai, my husband cannot try that with me’, or ‘If I were you, I would do this and that if my husband tries that with me’. The third parties continue to dish out the wrong advice.
“Based on this, I think it is wrong because the friend or co-worker you report your husband to may be facing a worse challenge in her home. The third party may give a wrong advice and this may end one’s marriage. It may be helpful if the third party will give good advice but these days, it is the opposite. This is why I always advise women to be careful. Not all friends mean well for you.”
Phases Of Marriage And Common Crisis
Of course, when you first fall in love, as we all know it, your optimism explodes. You can’t believe how lucky you are, as you have found your soulmate!
However, you choose to think of it, whether as chemicals in your brain, or a divine intervention, the result is the same – you find yourself in a euphoria which commonly results in committing your entire life to that person.
Nonetheless, and this is when usually the first crisis hits, upon the love intoxication inevitably comes the awakening. Not that it has to be a harsh one, but you do get to see without that pink fog in front of your eyes.
Your marriage will not be what you expected it to be. Little things will begin to bother you. Big issues will arise. You will get to wonder what you were thinking.
Adding to that, you now also need to think about many big issues in your life, such as having children, career path, where to live, etc. The perfect storm.
This is a major marital crisis most of the couples go through.
But, apart from this initial crisis, if a couple prevails, most people will hit many more rough patches on their shared journey. Some are rather predictable, such as the mid-life crisis, and the inevitable crisis in the marriage. Or an extramarital affair and the turmoil that follows it.
And some are entirely specific for the couple, such as not being able to agree on whether the child will be home-schooled or not. Marriage is not all fun and games, not at all.